I'm so sorry
by JustMadman
Summary: Vivio joins the Enforcers and these are her parents' reaction to it. *There are potential triggers and character deaths, so please don't read this if you're prone to it* Buuuuut! Ultimately, it's still Nanofate.


A/N: So I haven't been writing/posting anything in a while and I just felt like contributing to a fandom. And since this has been rotting in my folders for a while now and I thought.. why not post this? Thank Caelion for this, guys.

Disclaimers: I don't own MGLN.

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We'll Meet Again

The wind howled from a distance. She felt the cold fresh air hit her sleep deprived face. She could feel how sunken in her eyes and her cheeks were. Oh how much weight has she lost? All fear the power of insomnia, she thought. Her long blonde hair flew back as she allowed he untied the ribbon at its end. Her arms spread wide out, her eyes closed as if to fully embrace the sky. How refreshing. She chuckled. It felt like she could fly. It's been a long time since she's done that.

As soon as the moment was over, she opened her eyes, let her arms drop to her sides and sighed. Her burgundy eyes brightened a little, a small smile was formed. Every muscle in her body relaxed, all the tightness in her shoulder loosened. It was like dropping a schoolbag of books after coming home from school. Oh, how he missed school. She felt so light. So light, it was almost as if if she jumped the winds would take her away.

She picked up the brownish bottle with her and took a few gulps of its contents.

"Aaahhhh…" She breathed out as she felt the liquid warm up his insides. This is good, she thought. It felt good.

The young lady stood up from where she was sitting. She straightened her tie, fixed her collar and adjusted her jacket. Her suit wasn't fit for her, not anymore, but it was the best she could do to look good. It was her wedding suit after all. And it was special, there was no other more fitting than this. It was the one she picked for her. There, her thought, perfect. She was finally prepared… almost.

She felt something in her pockets, her bottle of pills. Right. She picked it out and shook it. The rattling brightened up the young lady's expression even further. "I guess one last dose wouldn't kill," she told herself. She chuckled at the irony.

She sat back down and let her leg dangle over the edge again. It felt free again. She then poured out the rest of the pills. A wave of nostalgia hit her as she looked at the last few round tablets on her hands. Just how long had she been taking them, she no longer knew.

She pictured her room, what it looks like now, what it would look like when she comes in to find her. The bed lay directly beside the entrance door, sitting beside her wardrobe. Their clothes all neatly ironed and hung or folded. By their window was her wooden table and bookshelf. Her books were neatly arranged, her table was almost empty. It was dustless. All eraser dusts were finally gotten rid off. All stationery were in place. Not like there were much to begin with. Who used papers and pens nowadays? Those were the days, though, she thought back to school.

All of that was in place, just like how she had always wished her room to be. All except the white envelope she left there with Bardiche resting on it. She wouldn't expect it.

She recalled the contents of the letter.

_Dear Nanoha,_

_I am so sorry for you to find out about me this way. I never wanted this to happen, I never asked for this. I know you have spent a lot of money trying to help me, but they all don't work. I am still… me. Ever since that day, I have never had a good night sleep._

Ah yes, she remembered why she was there now.

_I'm sure you know by now, of course you do. You haven't had a good night's sleep either right? Having to wake up because of me. Having to wake me up from my night terrors. Having to stay up for the rest of the night to make sure I'm alright. I'm sorry, Nanoha. I really am._

_For everything._

_I shouldn't have let her take that mission. I should've been the one to go._

_I shouldn't have let her join the Enforcers. I shouldn't have encouraged her to. I shouldn't have been proud of her._

_I should've made her stay with you._

_Do you remember when we went to the funeral together? Well, I do. The sun was practically smiling at them during the funeral, it was like Kaiser was happy she died, I thought. There were so many people. Men and women, girls and boys. Tall and short, well built, and plum. She sure was a popular and well-loved person. And I killed her, I thought. I didn't deserve to live. But I told myself to, for you. You needed somebody._

_Eventually you got over it. At least she lived her life to her fullest. She gave it her all, you said. And then it was then that I realized, you didn't need me anymore, you were fine... but I wasn't._

_And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. I can still feel it, Nanoha. I feel so empty. It never stopped._

_Do you remember when I took my first medication and I told you I felt better? I'm sorry I lied. I'm sure you know. You can tell. I could tell that you knew. If not, Hayate would've told you. I could never lie to you guys. What made me feel better was Bardiche, really. It was my only form of escape. I took the pills anyway, the more the merrier, right? But I didn't want to make you sad, it hurt to see you cry over me. Especially when you already have another to cry over._

A smile stretched across her face. She swallowed the pills and took another gulp of gin. Hearing the light swish in the bottle, she downed the rest of its' content. Why not?

_When Bardiche finally gave in to my request, I was extremely scared. I've seen so many people do it before. I knew it was bad, how could hurting myself be good, right? But I gave it a shot anyway._

She unrolled her sleeves to look at her scars. Mama would be so disappointed. Would she see her with all these? Countless red lines could be seen. Many even overlapped the white lines. There were so many times she looked at them in disgust. There were so many times she looked at them and contemplated on why before drawing another. As soon as the high was over she would watch as the blood ooze out of the line. Disgust, regret, guilt, and most of all, hate. For all her stupidity, her incompetence, her pride, and herself. There were so many times she looked at them and just cried at the thought of his mother finding out. Mama would cry.

_The first time, it felt so good. It felt so good, it was like the whole universe stopped. Like nothing mattered anymore. For once in forever, I thought, I was actually free. I was instantly overwhelmed by warmth. In that moment, I asked myself, how could something so good be wrong? How could this be bad? What was so wrong about this? I watched as the thick dark red liquid ooze out from the opening I gave myself. It looked disgusting. It looked frightening. But at the same time, the warmth it gave felt so… welcoming. I felt so light, so free. I felt like I could finally do anything… until it ended. And the pain came back twofold._

_The second time I slit myself, it didn't last as long as it did the first time. I told myself, another wouldn't kill. I've already got two, what's another? So I gave myself a third one. It lasted even shorter than the second time. Three lines became six. Six lines became twenty. Eventually I lost count. One hand was no longer enough, I had two hands... It took a while before I realized how deep of a mess I was in. That emptiness became stronger and stronger as I the lines multiplied, more and more. To the point it felt like I didn't have a heart any more. Where my heart is at, is like a vacuum. Eventually they could no longer stop these feelings. I gave up, which brings me to where I am today._

The young lady unrolled her sleeves; it wouldn't be nice if the creases were there when she finally met Her. When you meet her you would want to look your best after all. Would she see her with her clothes on or not anyway? Wait, what if she wasn't meeting her? What if she was going down? Her eyes widened with shock at the thought, she hadn't thought of that.

All of a sudden, a burst of mana could be felt in her surrounding. It drew her out of his short path down memory lane. She looked around to find the source, but nothing. There were no explosions, nobody flying, nothing. And then it suddenly disappeared. There were not supposed to be any use of magic outside of military grounds and schools. It could only mean one thing...

She hated this so much. If anyone were to see her now she might lose this opportunity. It was now or never.

_Nanoha, I know you want me to live. I know about the countless nights you would stay up waiting for me. Patiently. Praying I sleep properly. I know it hurts you to see me every day. I look pathetic. I want to, too. But I can't. And I want you to be happy, Nanoha. So I'm going to end all these, I'm going to end my feeling, end all yours sufferings, and end all your burden. Nanoha, I ask of you this favor, please don't call the TSAB. Please don't call Hayate. Or Lindy. Please don't call for help._

_Please don't make this all the more difficult for me. For us._

_I love you, Nanoha._

Bam!

The next thing she heard was a loud shrill, and her world went black.

_Love,_

_Fate_

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A/N: This is just part 1. I know it's incredibly short. And it's pathetic of me to leave you guys hanging like this... Please don't kill me.


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